tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-78684367773327026082011-07-30T20:39:00.011-07:00Madtoadnoreply@blogger.comBlogger21100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7868436777332702608.post-50208293888423671142009-04-29T20:07:00.000-07:002010-03-18T09:39:46.642-07:00<div>Tony: You just incapacitate your opponent and then you win.</div><div>Todd: What game are you playing?</div><div>Tony: Scrabble.</div><div>Todd: ...</div><div>Travis: You should see him do a crossword. It's vicious.</div><div><br /></div><div>*</div><div><br /></div><div>Eli: We've heard tales of devils, demons, and giants in these mountains. Can you direct us to them?</div><div><br /></div><div>*</div><div><br /></div><div>Tony: This ability says I hit with a preternatural reserve. So you're all preganant.</div><div>Travis: I don't think that's what that word means!</div><div>Tony: No, I impregnated the entire party.</div><div>Farone: I don't think the Paladin understands how pregnancy works.</div><div><br /></div><div>*</div><div><br /></div><div>Tony: I'm using my righteous blow.</div><div>Farone: Whoa!</div><div>Travis: Like "Peruvian Marching Powder"?</div><div>Eli: Like, you're going to blow them?</div><div>Farone: That was so not what I was thinking</div><div>Eli: What? That would be awesome! The paladin and a stone giant...</div><div>Farone: There's a big gap in what you and I consider awesome.</div><div><br /></div><div>*</div><div><br /></div><div>Farone: What if someone lifts me up like five feet? Who's the tallest? The ranger? Let me look, she's...5' 3". You're only 5' 3"?</div><div>Kim: I'm only 5' 3", but I have really long arms.</div><div>Eli: What are you like Patrick Ewing over there?</div><div><br /></div><div>*</div><div><br /></div><div>Farone: I don't know what that is, but I know it's not a penis.</div><div><br /></div><div>*</div><div><br /></div><div>Tony: Do I add this to my meter of love here?</div><div><br /></div><div>*</div><div><br /></div><div>Travis: This guy's got a 34 AC. I'm just saying.</div><div>Eli: Use abilities that don't hit AC. Does anybody have attacks that don't hit AC?</div><div>Travis: Well, Mike's got a bunch of abilities that don't hit...</div><div><br /></div><div>*</div><div><br /></div><div>Eli: We're coming back for you. Barion Harkle never leaves a man behind!</div><div>Tony: What did you just say? You'll never leave a man's behind?</div><div><br /></div><div>*</div><div><br /></div><div>Kim: What are you doing way back there?</div><div>Tom: I went way ahead of you. I'm very fast.</div><div>Todd: And by "very fast" he means, "I'm a coward".</div><div>Eli: And by "coward" he means, "elf".</div><div><br /></div><div>*</div><div><br /></div><div>Tony: Wow. First the dildos and now this...</div><div><br /></div><div>*</div><div><br /></div><div>Eli: I think Tony should fight with his thing.<br />Everyone: ...<br />Farone: I don't know what kind of fight you think this is...<br /><br />*<br /><br />Eli: We seek the phylactery of Lich Thomas!<br />Travis: Then you might as well have set your sights on the sun! For you will never find it!<br />Todd: Why?<br />Travis: It is guarded by the most foul beast in the land!<br />Farone: The elf? No, he's with us.<br /><br />*<br /><br />Travis: You can't just grab the disk it weighs like 60 lbs.<br />Farone: Put it in the bag of holding that's full of heads.<br />Eli: It won't fit.<br />Farone: Why not?<br />Eli: The bag only opens to like...head size.<br /><br />*<br /><br />Farone: If we call the disk a head long enough we can get the bag to accept it.<br />Travis: I don't think magic works like that.<br />Farone: As a practitioner of magic, it does.<br />Todd: By definition, magic works magically.<br /><br />*<br /><br />Farone: So let me get this straight: You're not afraid of the dracolich, but you are afraid of a dark elf.<br />Eli: Yes.<br />Farone: Well. Ok, then.<br /><br />*<br /><br />Eli: We'll do this the old fashioned way. Send the elf out!<br />Todd: I thought the old fashioned way was "kill everything".<br />Eli: It's ok, we'll light the elf on fire first.<br />Farone: I like this plan. I always agree with a "light the elf on fire" plan.<br /><br />*<br /><br />Travis: There's a stream of undead coming towards you.<br />Kim: How undead are they?<br /><br />*<br /><br />Eidson: I told you the dracolich was in here.<br />Todd: This room's not big enough for a dracolich.<br />Eidson: Dracoliches can turn into a single bone and fit anywhere.<br />Todd: Ok, the elf doesn't know anything about dracoliches.<br />Eidson: I rolled a 20 on my perception!<br />Travis: You perceive that you don't know anything about dracoliches. With great clarity, in fact.<br /><br />*<br /><br />Tony: I see you still have Barion Harkel.<br />Farone: Unfortunately.<br /><br />*<br /><br />Tony: Dragon's hatch.<br />Farone: They don't.<br />Tony: They do!<br />Farone: No, they <span style="font-style: italic;">erupt</span> into the world.<br /><br />*<br /><br />Eidson: I'm running away and shooting the thing following me.<br />Eli: Yeah, don't help the cleric.<br />Eidson: Oh, does someone need help? I can run away further.<br /><br />*<br /><br />Eidson: I wish I had abilities to stop things moving.<br />Travis: Dead things stop moving.<br />Todd: You'd think that but this giant battle against zombies would tend to prove otherwise.<br /><br />*<br /><br />Farone: I do +10 for uh...+4 for the, um, well, +1 for being bloodied and 4 for the aura and 2 for that thing you cast and 2 for my bonus, and then +1 for uh...something.<br /><br />*<br /><br />Tony: I have 50 platinum! Woo-hoo!<br />Travis: that's probably wrong.<br />Tony: Wait, a platinum is 100 gold, right?<br />Travis: Yeah, but...<br />Tony: Woo-hoo!<br /><br />*<br /><br />Travis: You see a shadowy Tiefling begin to cast-<br />Eli: None of us can see that.<br />Todd: Kim's blind...<br />Eli: I'm behind a shadowy wall of darkness...<br />Todd: And I'm in another room. For that matter he can't see us.<br />Eli: Yeah, what the heck is he doing?<br />Todd: I swear to God, he's casting magic missile at the darkness...<br /><br />*<br /><br />Kim: Maybe these guys are friendly.<br />Eli: Has anything in this place been friendly so far?<br />Travis: That's because you guys always have initiative. You attack everything first!<br />Eli: Well that's because we're not friendly!<br /><br />*<br /><br />Eli: I'm gonna move here and subdue this guy.<br />Travis: With what?<br />Eli: My fists!<br /><br />*<br /><br />Eli: He's unconscious so I'm gonna hit him again and make sure he's knocked out.<br /><br />*<br /><br />Travis: It's a village and everyone is mutated and horribly deformed. They're wandering around and you hear a voice from inside a tent talking about how great Pandemonium is.<br />Eli: Pandemonium?<br />Travis: It's like chaos.<br />Todd: So it's a village full of crazies?<br />Travis: Yes.<br />Todd: Is there a pommel horse in the middle of town?<br /><br />*<br /><br />Todd: He just said we're inside a pyramid, so now we know that for sure.<br />Travis: You always knew you were in a pyramid.<br />Eli: I thought we were in a castle.<br />Todd: Me too.<br />Travis: It's a crystal pyramid.<br />Eli: I thought it was a crystal castle.<br />Todd: Me too.<br />Kim: I thought we were in a cave.<br />Travis: Huh. Well you are a half-orc. Their word for "inside" is "cave" so I guess that makes sense.<br /><br />*<br /><br />Eli: I have a rocket launcher.<br />Travis: He does, but there are no rockets in this world.<br />Eli: It shoots bears.<br /><br />*<br /><br />Eli: We're going to an evil church?<br />Farone: They pass around a plate with money and you take some.<br /><br />*<br /><br />Travis: Tony, that guy hits you with a bolt of darkness for 13 points of damage.<br />Tony: Wow. I...uh...take it. I guess.<br /><br />*<br /><br />Kim: I do like your shinys.<br /><br />*<br /><br />Travis: Kim you're up. What are you going to do?<br />Kim: I'm gonna kick your a**...hey, where'd you go?<br /><br />*<br /><br />Travis: You don't see anything at the bottom of the pit. You don't see any spikes. You don't see any invisible monsters...<br /><br />*<br /><br />Eli: I roll to hit...18.<br />Travis: Miss. Hit. No, miss.<br />Eli: Uh...<br />Travis: You're grappled so you're at a minus 2.<br />Eli: So, 16?<br />Travis: Your minus to hit is the same as his defensive minus so...it doesn't actually help you.<br />Eli: So did I hit?<br />Travis: Um...no.<br />Eli: Are you sure?<br />Travis: No.<br /><br />*<br /><br />Travis: You're grappled so you're plus 6 to hit for them.<br />Eli: I'm so sick of your lies!<br /><br />*<br /><br />Eidson: That was a 20! Crit!<br />Travis: What ability are you using?<br />Eidson: My twin strike.<br />Travis: No, the correct answer was: Something that does a lot of damage.<br /><br />*<br /><br />Travis: Let me see your character sheet...why do all your abilities allow you to run away?<br /><br />*<br /><br />Eli: The room that's knee deep in water has pipes underneath it.<br />Travis: A series of pipes.<br />Todd: Is that like a series of tubes?<br />Eli: The internet is under the floor of this room!<br />Farone: That would explain why everything in here moves so slow.<br /><br />*<br /><br />Travis: It's guarded by Unseen Forces that you....can not see!<br /><br />*<br /><br />Travis: You can't tell if you're shrinking or if the world is growing bigger! But you're sure you're shrinking.<br /><br />*<br /><br />Eli: Where are you from?<br />NPC: Um...Dwarfland!<br />Todd: He's legit. I've heard of Dwarfland.<br /><br />*<br /><br />Eli: What's your name?<br />NPC: Um...Hammersmith.<br />Farone: From Dwarfland.<br />Eli: Tell me where you're really from.<br />NPC: Undermountain.<br />Eli: Hammersmith? From Undermountain? In Dwarfland?<br />Farone: I'm melting his face with an acid orb. There. Now your name is Dwarf Liartongue!<br />Kim: Um...the sorcerer is yelling at the corpse.<br /><br />*<br /><br />Travis: There's a steel curtain.<br />Eli: How are we going to get through this Pittsburgh defense?<br />Kim: They're gonna open it. There's a sale.<br /><br />*<br /><br />Travis: You find a corpse with the dark, chitinous look of an Umber Hulk.<br />Todd: Is it an umber hulk?<br />Travis: It is!<br /><br />*<br /><br />Tony: What are these guys?</div><div>Todd: They're orcs. We're not attacking them. Yet.</div><div><br /></div><div>*</div><div><br /></div><div>Travis: Kim should move...here.</div><div>Todd: Won't she provoke an attack of opportunity?</div><div>Travis: Yeah, but she has talents to protect against that. Watch this. (Moves kim, rolls attack) Oh, oops. I hit her.</div><div><br /></div><div>*</div><div><br /></div><div>Eli: This is not the way the Barion Harkel Five does things!</div><div>Travis: Oh, attacking from behind is <b>definitely</b> the Barion Harkel way to do things.</div><div><br /></div><div>*</div><div><br /></div><div>Farone: YOU wanted to follow the elf, and you KNOW that's not what we do! If anything we get his advice and do the opposite.</div><div><br /></div><div>*</div><div><br /></div><div>Travis: They have Tyrannosaurus Sex arms.</div><div>Eli: Oh, I don't want to mess with them!</div><div>Travis: You know I meant Rex, right? Tyrannosaurus Rex arms.</div><div>Farone: It's Ok, just don't get grappled.</div><div><br /></div><div>*</div><div><br /></div><div>Eli: All right, fine, attack them. We won't look for a back entrance, we'll attack.</div><div>Todd: I can't believe we had to talk the <i>warlord</i> into attacking something.</div><div><br /></div><div>*</div><div><br /></div>Travis: Todd, take 8 necrotic damage, and you're at -2 to your will saves til the end of the encounter.<br />Kim: You're mean.<br /><br />*<br /><br />Travis: You're dazed.<br />Farone: What? Who dazed me?<br />Travis (pointing): That guy.<br />Farone: He's not even in range!<br />Travis: Yeah. He is.<br />Farone: Oh. Great. Guess who I'm cursing next turn.<br /><br />*<br /><br />Farone: We should capture these guys in some kind of non-porous material...<br />Tony: Like honey?<br />Farone: Um...that's exactly what I was thinking.<br /><br />*<br /><br />(Travis looks through the rules for an inordinate amount of time, mumbling)<br />Travis: Ok...that, and then...ok, D4. A D4.<br />Todd: All that for a D4?<br />Travis (rolls): Elf...take 5 points of damage.<br />Todd: And then you somehow rolled a 5.<br /><br />*<br /><br />Farone: Those guys are minions so you kill them in one hit.<div>Tony: Oh really?</div><div>Farone: Unless I'm wrong in which case you're dead.</div><div><br /></div><div>*</div><div><br /></div><div>Farone: That's a farmer who was ensorceled.</div><div>Todd: We desorceled him.</div><div><br /></div><div>*</div><div><br /></div><div>Tony: No, no. Keep reading your dialog good citizen.</div><div><br /></div><div>*</div><div><br /></div><div>Travis: You should introduce yourselves.</div><div>Farone: Why hello there-</div><div>Travis: Go away!</div><div><br /></div><div>*</div><div><br /></div><div>Eli: One of the kobolds had a necklace of Orcus.</div><div>Travis: That wouldn't surprise me.</div><div>Farone: What WOULD surprise you?</div><div><br /></div><div>*</div><div><br /></div><div>Eli: Isn't that guy a wizard?</div><div>Farone: He's a historian.</div><div>Todd: A level 4 historian?</div><div>Farone: He has the power of history.</div><div><br /></div><div>*</div><div><br /></div><div>Travis: What's your reflex save?</div><div>Eli: Nine...</div><div>Travis: Then he hits.</div><div>Eli:...hundred.</div><div><br /></div><div>*</div><div><br /></div><div>Eli: It's my new daily power. Summon undeadless town.</div><div><br /></div><div>*</div><div><br /></div><div>Travis: This guy took 25 points of damage.</div><div>Tony: I use my power to take that damage for him.</div><div>Farone: No, that's a bad guy!</div><div>Eli: We WANT him to take that damage!</div><div>Farone: Tony wasn't paying attention.</div><div>Eli: I like how he hears something went wrong and just assumes it's us though.</div><div><br /></div><div>*</div><div><br /></div><div>Farone: (To Tony) You're making a bed out of dead orcs.</div><div>Travis: You are the most disgusting paladin.</div><div>Tony: I didn't say anything! I just asked where we were making camp!</div><div><br /></div><div>*</div><div><br /></div><div>Travis: The paladin wants to know if laying on hands on himself is a full round action.</div><div>Tony: I don't know, but it is an "at-will" power.</div><div><br /></div><div>*</div><div><br /></div><div>(Eli is conversing with the orcs in Giant language)</div><div>Todd: I don't understand any of this.</div><div>Tony: It's ok it's all subtitled.<br /></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/7868436777332702608-5020829388842367114?l=madtoad-travwed.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Madtoadnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7868436777332702608.post-45343917252427514352007-01-11T07:16:00.001-08:002007-01-11T07:17:46.086-08:00<div style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);" class="Section1"> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b><u>Eli:</u></b> I'm a friendly thief. Eli the Good!<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">*<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b><u>Farone:</u></b> My village was destroyed by...uh...<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b><u>Todd:</u></b> Sharks?<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b><u>Farone:</u></b> Half-<span class="SpellE">orc</span>, half-sharks!<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b><u>Eli:</u></b> <span class="SpellE">Shorks</span>!<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">*<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b><u>Farone:</u></b> Every four levels you get a new alignment.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">*<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b><u>Eli:</u></b> Can I speak to the dead?<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b><u>Travis:</u></b> No. I take that back. Yes, but they won't respond.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">*<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b><u>Farone:</u></b> My parents were in the porn industry. <span class="GramE">Live porn.</span> They traveled from town to town putting on live porn shows.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">*<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b><u>Travis:</u></b> What's your bluff skill?<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b><u>Farone:</u></b> Do I really have to tell you or can I bluff?<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">*<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b><u>Farone:</u></b> Does a grappling hook give you a bonus to grappling?<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b><u>Travis:</u></b> No. But tentacles do.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b><u>Todd & Farone:</u></b> How much are tentacles?<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b><u>Travis:</u></b> You can't buy tentacles.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b><u>Farone:</u></b> What if I buy a tent and some manacles and combine them?<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">*<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b><u>Janessa:</u></b> What is the plot, other than people getting drunk at mini-bars?<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">*<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b><u>Farone:</u></b> She heard that conversation right?<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b><u>Travis:</u></b> No, they were in the back.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b><u>Eli:</u></b> We were in the back?<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b><u>Janessa:</u></b> They were?<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b><u>Travis:</u></b> (To Eli) By the way, you were in the back.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">*<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b><u>Janessa:</u></b> I believe these are your papers.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b><u>Eli:</u></b> Thank you.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b><u>Janessa:</u></b> I didn't say I was giving them to you!<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">*<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b><u>Travis:</u></b> The guy who was supposed to be keeping watch is gone...<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b><u>Eli:</u></b> Uh...<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b><u>Todd:</u></b> I was run off by the door man.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b><u>Travis:</u></b> If by “run off” you mean “given directions to a bar”.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b><u>Todd:</u></b> That's what I meant.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">*<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b><u>Janessa:</u></b> We can stay at a nice hotel.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b><u>Todd:</u></b> Wait, she has money?<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b><u>Farone:</u></b> I have a new plan.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">*<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b><u>Farone:</u></b> She doesn't have lots of money!<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b><u>Travis:</u></b> She does.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b><u>Janessa:</u></b> I do.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b><u>Farone:</u></b> Man, I want lots of money. I wish I had a vagina.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">*<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b><u>Eli:</u></b> We need to go get my friends.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b><u>Janessa:</u></b> Oh. You have friends?<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">*<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b><u>Janessa:</u></b> The wolf and I are one.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b><u>Eli:</u></b> I believe this job could use someone of your...collective talents.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b><u>Farone:</u></b> How exactly does this caper involve a wolf lady?<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">*<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b><u>Farone:</u></b> I never got paid!<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b><u>Travis:</u></b> You got paid.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b><u>Farone:</u></b> Then how come I don't have any money?<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b><u>Travis:</u></b> You drink.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b><u>Farone:</u></b> I don't drink! Oh wait...yes I do.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">*<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Janessa:</u></b> Do I get stabbed now?<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Travis:</u></b> Do you want to get stabbed?<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Farone:</u></b> Wait, did you take the paranoia feat?<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">*<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Janessa:</u></b> He’s over here gallivanting around town…<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Farone:</u></b> Hey! I don’t gallivant.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">*<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Janessa:</u></b> I’m just saying, realistically, even back then, dudes would give in to chicks.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">*<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Eli:</u></b> I’m not doing the tracking.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Travis:</u></b> You’re letting the dog do it.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Eli:</u></b> <span class="GramE">I’m<span style=""> </span>thinking</span>, dogs smell better than people.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Farone:</u></b> Only if you wash them.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">*<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Travis:</u></b> What name did you give the guards when you crossed the bridge?<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Eli:</u></b> Um…<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Janessa:</u></b> Why does Travis have Flash cards?<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Farone:</u></b> Those are his notes.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Eli:</u></b> He’s like James Lipton.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Farone:</u></b> Or Alex <span class="SpellE">Trebek</span>. <span class="GramE">Like we’re on Jeopardy.</span><o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Todd:</u></b> I’ll take lies we told the guards for 200, Alex.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">*<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Travis:</u></b> I’m just wondering…how <span class="GramE">does someone track</span> by scent something that left a burned down building.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Janessa:</u></b> Blood hounds can. I was watching a special about those dogs that track dead people…<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Farone:</u></b> Whatever she says next, none of us are going to be able to dispute this.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">*<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Eli:</u></b> How much do you trust me?<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Janessa:</u></b> That is an awesome question!<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">*<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Eli:</u></b> Are there any tables in the back?<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Travis:</u></b> Of course. One of <span class="SpellE">them’s</span> shrouded in darkness, and the others are…near it.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">*<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Eli:</u></b> You two go in the back and make out or something.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Janessa:</u></b> He’s an <span class="SpellE">orc</span>!<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Eli:</u></b> Yeah. That’s what you half-breeds do.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Janessa:</u></b> I’m a human!<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Eli:</u></b> Oh yeah! You lazy <span class="SpellE">orc</span>! Stay away from our women folk!<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">*<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Janessa:</u></b> (After killing an NPC) <span class="SpellE">Yay</span>! Who’s useful now!<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">*<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Todd:</u></b> These guys are the worst assassins ever. They bust in all ninja-like then they’re like, “Oh, <span class="SpellE">sh</span>*t, they have a dog!”<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">*<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Farone:</u></b> He’s the one we’re <span class="SpellE">gonna</span> kick out. He’s human. He stinks.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Janessa:</u></b> Hey, I’m a human!<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Farone:</u></b> Yeah, but you’re clean.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Eli:</u></b> She’s a race betrayer!<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Travis:</u></b> If by “race betrayer” you mean “bather”, then yes.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">*<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Eli:</u></b> There’s a dead guy with an arrow we don’t recognize, another dead guy out the window on the street…<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Farone:</u></b> Man, this is a rough neighborhood, even the assassins aren’t safe.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">*<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Dave:</u></b> Did you get healed?<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Janessa:</u></b> I rested so I got all my hit points back.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Dave:</u></b> That’s not how it works.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Janessa:</u></b> What?!? How many do I get?<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Dave:</u></b> 1.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Janessa:</u></b> Dude, these cots suck!<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">*<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Farone:</u></b> (To Dave) <span class="GramE">Is</span> this guy somebody, or is it just you?<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">*<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Janessa:</u></b> Here.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Travis:</u></b> It’s a calculator…<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Janessa:</u></b> Yeah, in case you get lazy doing my <span class="SpellE">xp</span> again.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">*<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Janessa:</u></b> What?!? What’s wrong with offering a little helpful…utensil?<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Travis:</u></b> It’s a good thing your husband’s not a native English speaker, or he’d have had a hernia by now.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Janessa:</u></b> Dude! He’s had hernias.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">*<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Eli:</u></b> I’m investigating <span class="SpellE">dammit</span>! I’m an investigator.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Travis:</u></b> (Pointing at Dave) <span class="SpellE">HE’s</span> the investigator.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Eli:</u></b> No! I took it as a skill! No. Wait. No I didn’t.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Dave:</u></b> He’s just delusional.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Travis:</u></b> But he did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">*<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Travis: </u></b>(Reading his own notes) Bronco IS his real name. Holy <span class="SpellE">Sh</span>*t. I named a guy Bronco? What <span class="GramE">an a</span>**hole.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">*<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Eli:</u></b> Let’s cut off a finger. No!<span style=""> </span>A toe! Let’s take a toe! This guy tried to kill me. We’re cutting off a finger or a toe!<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Travis:</u></b> How much are they paying you? I’ll pay more.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Eli:</u></b> <span class="SpellE">Er</span>…how much?<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">*<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Travis:</u></b> His name is <span class="SpellE">Kogoth</span>. And by the way, none of you are going to recognize that name.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Janessa:</u></b> I roll just in case.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">*<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">(After the interrogation victim has a finger bitten off by the dog and passes out)<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Dave:</u></b> Ok, that’s it. The interrogation is over.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Todd:</u></b> What are you talking about? When he wakes up and we show him his own finger and tell him he’s only got 9 mistakes left…<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Janessa:</u></b> That is awesome!<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Dave:</u></b> Am I in an evil party? Is everyone evil but me?<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Janessa:</u></b> What, he has good ideas!<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">*<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Eli:</u></b> All I know is we’re <span class="SpellE">gonna</span> break him.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Travis:</u></b> Is he a prisoner or a thrall?<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Janessa:</u></b> Thrall sounds good.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">*<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Eli:</u></b> Can you summon bees? <span class="GramE">Cause that would be awesome.</span><o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Todd:</u></b> We can just cover him with honey.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Dave:</u></b> You know<span class="GramE">,</span> bees aren’t attracted to honey…<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Eli:</u></b> No, but bears are! That’s even better!<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">*<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b><u>Travis:</u></b> What kind of armor do you have?<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b><u>Janessa:</u></b> Hide +1.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b><u>Farone:</u></b> Isn’t that a skill?<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">*<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b><u>Janessa:</u></b> Wait, this is an <span class="SpellE">Elven</span> city! How do they not have magic shops?<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b><u>Travis:</u></b> This is a human city.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b><u>Janessa:</u></b> Oh well. Lesser beings aren’t that smart, I guess…<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b><u>Travis:</u></b> You’re a human.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b><u>Janessa:</u></b> What?! Oh yeah. I thought I was a <span class="SpellE">fricken</span> elf!<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">*<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">(Travis hands the party a map)<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b><u>Farone:</u></b> Uh…is there a translation for this somewhere?<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b><u>Travis:</u></b> My handwriting’s not <u>that</u> bad.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b><u>Farone:</u></b> Does this say “Fish-lick bank”?<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b><u>Travis:</u></b> (Snatches map away) Give me that!<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">(Pause)<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b><u>Travis:</u></b> That does say Fish-Lick Bank.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">*<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b><u>Janessa:</u></b> I’m spending Eli’s money.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b><u>Eli:</u></b> Where did you get my money?<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b><u>Janessa:</u></b> Um…while you were asleep?<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b><u>Todd:</u></b> I hope you don’t think you’ve been robbing us. We started out broke and poor. None of us had vaginas.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">*<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b><u>Janessa:</u></b> Dude, don’t you take notes?<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b><u>Todd:</u></b> Don’t grouch at the DM.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b><u>Janessa:</u></b> Why not?<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b><u>Todd:</u></b> Cause then he won’t be nice to us.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b><u>Janessa:</u></b> So? <span class="GramE">Fine.</span> Travis, you’re awesome. Learn to take notes.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">*<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b><u>Janessa:</u></b> I like tiny things!<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">*<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Eli:</u></b> I have a plan. The druid’s parents are rich. We’ll kidnap the druid.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Janessa:</u></b> *Pretend* to kidnap me.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Todd:</u></b> This is a good idea.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Janessa:</u></b> We can mail them that finger we took off the dude!<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Dave:</u></b> A man’s finger?<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Janessa:</u></b> Hey! We can put lotion on it!<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">*<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Todd:</u></b> He can bartend, we’ll just take the money up front.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Eli:</u></b> No one’s going to trust you. You’re an <span class="SpellE">orc</span>.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Todd:</u></b> Well, then, you can take the money up front.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Eli:</u></b> I’m a thief. No one’s going to trust me.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Janessa:</u></b> They would if <span class="GramE">you’d<span style=""> </span>take</span> off those <span class="SpellE">thiefy</span> clothes and put on something else.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">*<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Travis:</u></b> You guys have terrible ideas.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Farone:</u></b> What are <span class="GramE">you<span style=""> </span>talking</span> about? I haven’t had any ideas. And they’ve all been good.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">*<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Farone:</u></b> You burned down the Assassin Inn.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Todd:</u></b> Yeah. I did.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Travis:</u></b> That’s a terrible name for an <st1:place st="on">Inn</st1:place>.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Farone:</u></b> It really is.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Travis:</u></b> The Assassin Inn…<span class="GramE">free</span> continental breakfast!<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Farone:</u></b> If you survive the night!<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">*<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Travis:</u></b> You get a good look at the guy.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Eli:</u></b> Good.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Travis:</u></b> It’s not the guy you’re thinking of.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Eli:</u></b> It’s not?<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Travis:</u></b> If you’re thinking of the guy I think you’re thinking of, it’s not the guy you’re thinking of.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">*<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Janessa:</u></b> I’m rolling the dice to see if I have a disease. If it’s a low number I have a disease.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">(<span class="GramE">rolls</span>)<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Janessa:</u></b> Ok, I have a disease.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">*<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Dave:</u></b> She wrote her disease down on her character sheet under “Gear”.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">*<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Travis:</u></b> You don’t know it but you’re a carrier for a queen <span class="SpellE">xenomorph</span>.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Janessa:</u></b> What?!? What the hell is that?<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Travis:</u></b> It’s from Aliens.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Janessa:</u></b> <st1:street st="on"><st1:address st="on">No Way</st1:address></st1:street>! What!? What the hell?!<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Farone:</u></b> Someday an alien is <span class="SpellE">gonna</span> pop out of your chest.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Janessa:</u></b> Um…ok, that sounds cool!<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">*<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Farone:</u></b> You <span class="SpellE">wanna</span> glass of water?<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Janessa:</u></b> Holy water?<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Farone:</u></b> Uh…sure. It just tastes a lot like bourbon.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">*<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Travis:</u></b> You puked at Farone. He dodged.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Farone:</u></b> I deflect it back at her.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Janessa:</u></b> No! That’s not attractive!<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">*<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Dave:</u></b> Your horse was stolen?<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Janessa:</u></b> No!<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Dave:</u></b> It says on your character sheet it was spirited away.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Janessa<span class="GramE">:<span style="font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none;">…</span></span></u></b>That’s it’s name!<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">*<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Travis: </u></b>Time to play our favorite game: “What happened last week?”<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Farone:</u></b> I wasn’t here last week.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Toad:</u></b> Yeah, me neither.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Travis:</u></b> All right, uh, time to play our second favorite game: “What happened two weeks ago?”<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">*<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Eli:</u></b> We have to stop these guys!<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Dave:</u></b> Are you developing a conscience?<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Eli:</u></b> They tried to kill me! I want revenge!<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Travis:</u></b> It’s not so much a conscience as a list.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">*<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Farone:</u></b> <span class="SpellE">Wanna</span> join my cult?<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Janessa:</u></b> Sure.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Dave:</u></b> It takes like months to change deities…<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Farone:</u></b> No, read this pamphlet and give me <span class="GramE">20 silver</span>.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Janessa:</u></b> Ok.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Farone:</u></b> You’re in. By the way her 20 silver just covered my printing expenses.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">*<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Dave:</u></b> There’s a 20 sided die under the table, by your chair.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Farone:</u></b> Let’s see if he’s right…<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Toad:</u></b> He’s like a prophet.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Janessa:</u></b> Your cult could use a prophet.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Farone:</u></b> Oh, I’m trying to make a profit.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">*<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Janessa:</u></b> I’m not there, but I say we let them raise their army of the dead so we can kill them all and get tons of XP.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">*<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Travis:</u></b> You have your bishop. What’s your next move?<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Farone:</u></b> Diagonally, of course.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin: 5pt 0in 0.0001pt 0.5in; text-indent: -0.5in;"><b style=""><u>Travis:</u></b> I…I can’t argue with that.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin: 5pt 0in 0.0001pt 0.5in; text-indent: -0.5in;">*<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin: 5pt 0in 0.0001pt 0.5in; text-indent: -0.5in;"><b style=""><u>Travis:</u></b> Every shape changer has <span class="GramE">a tell</span> that could give them away. What’s yours?<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin: 5pt 0in 0.0001pt 0.5in; text-indent: -0.5in;"><b style=""><u>Eli:</u></b> He has a tail!<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin: 5pt 0in 0.0001pt 0.5in; text-indent: -0.5in;"><b style=""><u>Travis:</u></b> He doesn’t even have a tail when he’s the <span class="SpellE">orc</span>!<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin: 5pt 0in 0.0001pt 0.5in; text-indent: -0.5in;"><b style=""><u>Eli:</u></b> That’s what makes it so odd…<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin: 5pt 0in 0.0001pt 0.5in; text-indent: -0.5in;">*<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin: 5pt 0in 0.0001pt 0.5in; text-indent: -0.5in;"><b style=""><u>Farone:</u> </b>You <span class="SpellE">wanna</span> join the cult of CL?<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin: 5pt 0in 0.0001pt 0.5in; text-indent: -0.5in;"><b style=""><u>Toad:</u></b> I’m an <span class="SpellE">orc</span>. He’s an <span class="SpellE">elven</span> deity.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin: 5pt 0in 0.0001pt 0.5in; text-indent: -0.5in;"><b style=""><u>Farone:</u></b> Well, we don’t emphasize that part. Ooh, I should add that to the pamphlet.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin: 5pt 0in 0.0001pt 0.5in; text-indent: -0.5in;">*<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin: 5pt 0in 0.0001pt 0.5in; text-indent: -0.5in;"><b style=""><u>Travis:</u></b> Why are you in town?<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin: 5pt 0in 0.0001pt 0.5in; text-indent: -0.5in;"><b style=""><u>Farone:</u></b> Passing through with some friends.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin: 5pt 0in 0.0001pt 0.5in; text-indent: -0.5in;"><b style=""><u>Travis:</u></b> I told you before not to try my patience.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin: 5pt 0in 0.0001pt 0.5in; text-indent: -0.5in;"><b style=""><u>Farone:</u></b> Ok.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin: 5pt 0in 0.0001pt 0.5in; text-indent: -0.5in;"><b style=""><u>Travis:</u></b> Why are you in <span class="GramE">town.</span><o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin: 5pt 0in 0.0001pt 0.5in; text-indent: -0.5in;"><b style=""><u>Farone:</u></b> I said<span class="GramE">,</span> I’m passing through with some friends.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin: 5pt 0in 0.0001pt 0.5in; text-indent: -0.5in;"><b style=""><u>Travis:</u></b> I want you to tell the truth.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin: 5pt 0in 0.0001pt 0.5in; text-indent: -0.5in;"><b style=""><u>Farone:</u></b> That is the truth!<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin: 5pt 0in 0.0001pt 0.5in; text-indent: -0.5in;"><b style=""><u>Travis:</u></b> That’s part of the truth.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin: 5pt 0in 0.0001pt 0.5in; text-indent: -0.5in;"><b style=""><u>Farone:</u></b> What’s the whole truth?<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin: 5pt 0in 0.0001pt 0.5in; text-indent: -0.5in;"><b style=""><u>Travis:</u></b> He doesn’t know<span class="GramE">,</span> he’s not a mind reader!<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin: 5pt 0in 0.0001pt 0.5in; text-indent: -0.5in;"><b style=""><u>Farone:</u></b> Me neither! I don’t know why I’m in town!<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin: 5pt 0in 0.0001pt 0.5in; text-indent: -0.5in;">*<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Farone:</u></b> Can you two share the wolf as an animal companion?<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Eli:</u></b> Is this some kind of bargain basement D&D campaign? You’re sharing animal companions now?<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Travis:</u></b> Dave gets it on the weekends.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Todd:</u></b> And the druid gets it on all the <span class="SpellE">Dru-ish</span> holidays.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">*<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Dave:</u></b> I was on a quest to save my people from the elves.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Farone:</u></b> Elves?<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Dave:</u></b> Yeah, they enslaved my people.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Farone:</u></b> You know<span class="GramE">,</span> my deity had nothing to do with that.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">*<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Travis:</u></b> Your character’s going shopping. Give me a list.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Janessa:</u></b> <span class="SpellE">Yay</span>! This is the best D&D ever. <span class="GramE">Making a shopping list.</span><o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Farone:</u></b> I’m sorry, but a woman shopping is <u>not</u> <span class="SpellE">roleplaying</span>.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">*<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Janessa</u></b><u>:</u> I’m <span class="SpellE">gonna</span> put my extra point in strength so I can have an extra…thing.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">*<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Janessa:</u></b> Oh, great. You’re a useful GM. You knew ONE number. Thanks.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">*<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Janessa:</u></b> I’m taking burrowing. <span class="GramE">The Travis version.</span> <span class="GramE">AKA cheating.</span><o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">*<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Farone:</u></b> I want this spell. When I die, I explode, damaging everything around me for my level in d8 damage and can’t be resurrected.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Travis:</u></b> It’s like every morning he has a bowl of porridge and a glass of nitroglycerine.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Farone:</u></b> Uh…actually this spell doesn’t have material components.<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">*<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">(Janessa is looking at a picture of a dog in the player’s handbook)<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b style=""><u>Janessa:</u></b> Look at this thing. It’s awesome. It’s eyes are filled with murder…<o:p></o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><o:p> </o:p></p> </div><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"> </span><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/7868436777332702608-4534391725242751435?l=madtoad-travwed.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Madtoadnoreply@blogger.com0